I found this post in 2009 when I was coming from a dark place in love and I needed to learn to love myself, articulate what I want in a relationship, avoid drama like the plague and trust that God intended me to have a healthy and sound relationship that honours him…
I have since put asterisks where I am re-thinking the phrases, but I still find it sound advice for every single woman who has a history.
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man’s character, leave him alone.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5 Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
6. Don’t force an attraction
7. Slower is better.
8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don’t let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
11. Don’t settle.
12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship – take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
14. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren’t involved in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
17. There’s only one ‘reason’ a man dumps you; he doesn’t want you.
18. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn’t call, he just isn’t that interested.
24. Be honest and upfront.
25. Know when to cut the cord, don’t be strung along.
26. Don’t fall for the “I’m confused role”. Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don’t wait for him, move on).
27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
28. There’s more than physical abuse, there’s emotional and mental abuse.
If he causes any of them…flee.
Change comes from within
29. You cannot change a man’s behaviors. Change comes from within.
30. Don’t let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself – double-standard.
31. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or a better job.
32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
33. Demand respect and if he can’t give it, he can’t have you!
34. Don’t compete with other women, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he’s lying, let him go.
36. Actions speak louder than words.
37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else’s man.
40. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt you and it doesn’t mean that you are meant to be with him.
42. To use painful hard-won wisdom to ‘get it right’ the next time.
43 Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb …
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.
46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two way street.
49. If you don’t love self…you can’t love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else’s broken heart.
51. Yo need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage…deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.
53. Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
*54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
55 Never become your man’s “therapist”.
56. When actions and words conflict- believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it – but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don’t fall for the “I’m not the loving type”…when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn’t do for you.
*59. Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
60. Give him his space…let him go out with his boys, don’t pressure him to spend time with you, You can’t force a man to hang out with you.
61. If you wouldn’t allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn’t be with him.
*62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother’s house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don’t depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.
66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
*67. Never spoil your man, let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When its time to let go, let go.
70. Good men should be treated like good men.
71. Don’t play games.
72. You can’t make a whore into a housewife – or husband.
*73. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, is important.
*75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts.